NEWS FLASH: Rock superstar will join Soviet Toothbrush on last leg of their ‘Back to Obscurity’ Tour; famed cowbellist, Pierre Delecto will join the ‘World’s Most Obscure Band’ on stage in Nameless Cove, Newfoundland; Delecto was formerly with the polka/thrash metal band, the Mopes

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ROCK ‘N’ ROLL NEWS: Soviet Toothbrush takes off on long-anticipated ‘Back to Obscurity’ Tour launching from Kiev, Ukraine; first stop – Valparaiso, Indiana, USA and the Phi Sigma Kappa fraternity house; thousands of ‘ST’ fans expected to jam the world-famous ‘Ratskeller’ on Sept. 28th; insiders say the security-conscious band is always accompanied on tour by ‘at least a medium tank’; local law enforcement concerned about inflammatory anti-Phi Mu Alpha sentiment erupting among fans

NEWS FLASH: Beto O’Rourke demands ‘mandatory buy-back’ or ‘confiscation’ of all Weber charcoal grills; Democrat Presidential candidate attacks the BBQ classic as an ‘assault weapon on the environment’; declares ‘Hell yes we’re going to take your Kingsford!’

NEWS ALERT: Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker signs bill to fund research center to perfect the ‘marijuana cigarette’; “Pot is legal in our state on January 1,” said Pritzker, “so we want to make sure users consume their stash by rolling an environmentally sensitive, sustainable, politically correct and racially equitable, state-approved joint”; the Joint Commission will research the best rolling papers and bongs with recommendations for legislation; a new hookah division will hire 75 researchers in October

SHOCK POLL!!! HUBERT HORATIO HUMPHREY DEFEATS DONALD TRUMP 64% TO 36% IN NEW 2020 PRESIDENTIAL POLL; DESPITE DYING IN 1978, THE FORMER SENATOR AND V.P. IS CONSIDERED A FRONT RUNNER IN THE DEMOCRATIC RACE FOR THE NOMINATION; CAMPAIGN IS CONSIDERING KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND FOR VP; SOURCES SAY BIDEN TEAM WORRIED, WANTS ONE-ON-ONE DEBATES

Survey was conducted by ‘If True’ Research with 696 respondents and a margin of error of 27 points, plus or minus.  ‘If True’ Research is a division of ‘If True’ News – ‘First in Fake News’ and part of the Soviet Toothbrush Family of Industries.

UFO MYSTERY SOLVED! September 30, 2018, 6:32 pm: A massive object hovers over Main Street, Knox, a small, northwest Indiana town; the ‘UFO’ appears wider than two football fields with ‘glowing windows’; witnesses claim to hear voices repeating the words ‘little green cards’ and ‘welcome aliens’; CNN and MSNBC devote 24-hour coverage to the sighting; after six months of investigation by the KPD, the ‘UFO’ has been traced to a local law firm that used a Hollywood-style, special effects, 3-D laser projector to promote its fall sales message — “New Here? Get a Lawyer Now!”; KPD Chief of Police Nick Nickerson comments, “This may be acceptable in Roswell, New Mexico but not in my town”; the identity of the law firm responsible has been sealed by court order; however a confidential informant code-named ‘Goose’ has said the firm will use radio and billboards for next year’s ad campaign

Commuters were shocked to see a huge ‘UFO’ hovering above downtown Knox, Indiana, for several hours on September 30, 2018.

NEWS FLASH: Soviet Toothbrush to kick off long-awaited ‘Back to Obscurity’ Tour at Indiana frat house, Sept 28, 2019; first show since disastrous 2017 ‘Gluttons for Gluten’ Tour; tour sponsors include Atomik, ‘Chernobyl’s Finest Vodka’ and Pootin, the Lavatory Mist that ‘Eliminates Dissenting Scents Fast’; other stops include Akron, Ohio and Nameless Cove, Newfoundland; tickets are on sale now in Kiev

Soviet Toothbrush band members, in costume, assemble with cast and crew during the shooting of a music video for ST’s latest hit, ‘I Left My Kidney in Venezuela.’  The video will promote ST’s latest tour that has been described by some critics as “a questionable decision.”