Posted: 22 July 2011 by leonitbrushnev in Uncategorized

CHICAGO REUTERS    The infamous security chief of the world’s most obscure band now claims that he lied to win the prestigious Gold Axe award given by the International Association of Backyard Lumberjacks.  “I had nothing to do with tree death,” claims Leonit Brushnev who prefers to be called “Comrade Brushnev.”  During the police investigation, Brushnev and his lawyers speculated that an assassination team of ants, directed by Adam Ant, had cut down the tree that fell directly where the band, Soviet Toothbrush, was scheduled to perform — just 24 days earlier!  “That the ants were off by 24 days is a miracle,” says Detective Nick Nickerson.  No lives were lost since Soviet Toothbrush was forced to cancel its June 17th, final performance on the Internationale Gingivitis 7-Continent World Tour.  The feud between Adam Ant and Soviet Toothbrush began back in the early 1980s when Ant’s tour bus collided with ST’s stretched Cadillac limousine in the parking lot of a Fort Wayne Arby’s.  “Things never been same since,” says Brushnev.  Police say the investigation will continue “until we get to the bottom of this sordid story.”

THE SITE OF THE DESTRUCTION: The gazebo was obliterated beyond recognition by a 60-ft. tall pine that mysteriously fell exactly where Soviet Toothbrush would have been performing just a mere 24 days, 6 hours, 22 minutes and 43 seconds earlier, had they shown up. Coincidence or bungled assassination attempt? You be the judge.


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