Soviet Toothbrush performs private concert for frat party in Flossmoor, IL; first gig since disastrous 2012 “Apocalypse Meh” World Tour and the sinking of their concert/cruise ship, Costa Concordia; Flossmoor famous as Illinois’s Oral Hygiene Capital

Posted: 28 September 2013 by leonitbrushnev in Uncategorized

Reuters —  After rough landings on a dark and stormy Tuesday night at the newly completed Jesse Jackson, Jr. International Airport in Peotone, Illinois, Soviet Toothbrush, the “World’s Most Obscure Band,” and their crew, pets and pals disembarked from two stretch-747s at 2:30 a.m. and faced a cheerfully oblivious crowd of several hundred that can only be described as “Obamian.”

ST News Senior Correspondent Comrade Rick (aka “The Engineer”) reported that six of the Soviet Toothbrush players immediately broke out into a spontaneous acapella version of “The Long and Winding Road” to the cheers and applause of hundreds of fans. Commonly recognized as the first of the “Super Boy Bands” back in 1959, Soviet Toothbrush has entertained and inflamed teen-age girls for decades and was the prototype for ‘N Sync.

Although media was banned from the Wednesday, September 18th performance, ST News was able to infiltrate the all male guest crowd and get the story mainstream media missed.  The evening opened with a set by Scotland’s Gathering Moss Limited. Then, with their all-girl-chorus, the Hy-Genes, backing them up, Soviet Toothbrush drilled through their classic single ‘Sympathy For The Dentist’, followed by ‘Back in the USSA’, a twisted cover of a 1968 Beatles hit.

With the Chee-Wows, ST’s exciting new troupe of dancing chihuahuas, setting the pace, ST performed an epic 47-minute medley of their early, and controversial hits including ‘Why Don’t We Brush It In the Road’, ‘Love To Brush You, Baby’, ‘Like A Brushing Stone’, ‘Look At That Brushing Girl’, ‘I Wanna Brush All Night And Floss Every Day’ and ‘I’m Brushing Nuts!’”

According to reports, the docile crowd of fraternity brothers was patrolled by squads of intimidating, red shirted “ST Security goons” while “female androids wearing garbage bags” passed out Soviet Toothbrush® brand ToothTools™ and craft-beer flavored ST toothpaste.

Only one disturbance was reported to the police.  A Mr. David Geisler, one of the “guests”, angrily returned the free ST toothpaste complaining there was no Sloe Gin-flavored version.  After a three-hour interrogation by ST Security Personnel, Geisler was convicted of bad taste in extremis and sentenced to 15 minutes of community service.

Not known as a band that travels light, Soviet Toothbrush is a favorite of music fans who enjoy photographing and video-recording band buses, planes and ships.  Here’s some video footage, recently confiscated by ST Security Personnel, taken during ST’s recent visit to Flossmoor, Illinois.

  1. Bobby "BS" Sarley says:

    ST Fan Forever… in the words of first uttered 50 years ago, in Phi sig lore, “Get Wisdom”. and so they did. Also of note, in 2002, Mr Geisler was elected to the Indiana legal hierarchy as the 9th best lawyer in all of Hoosierdom. It is well documented that several thousand votes from Naptown were disqualified due a chad issue.

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